Free speech?

What follows is a send up of the Terms of Use of HotCopper's share-trading forum, based on my several years' experience on the website. The following was originally a page on the HotWhopper blog, when the blog was first set up in December 2012.

In the interests of full disclosure, we propose replacing the HotWhopper Australian Terms of Use with the following, which more accurately reflect our policies. We want to assure all you dinky di Aussie men, who trade shares and invest in the share market or property or similar, that we fully endorse unfettered free speech (which is the right of every full-blooded proudly conservative white Aussie male), and will do our best to suppress all stray bleeding heart liberals and feminazis who invade our space, so that you can exercise your right to free speech without fear of contradiction.

Please comment in the box provided below, especially if you would like to suggest additional rules to protect our rights. Bearing in mind that we oppose all forms of regulation since it infringes our freedom to say and do whatever we like. (Our rules aren't regulations, they are necessary mandatory strictly enforced value statements that aim to keep out riff raff like bleeding heart liberals, feminazis and the PC brigade who want to limit our freedom of speech. We've found it's one way to silence them. Banning by IP address works sometimes too.)

Scroll down to the bottom of this page to see the sort of posts we welcome.(What is described in these examples actually happened! No satire needed.)

 

HOTWHOPPER AUSTRALIAN TERMS OF USE (PROVISIONAL)

To use the HotWhopper site you must agree to the HotWhopper Terms of Use below.

HotWhopper complies, except where we disagree on the grounds that all government regulation is bad and we have the right to decide when 'free speech' applies (ie when we agree) and when it doesn't (ie when we don't agree), with ASIC Regulatory Guideline 162 for Internet Discussion Sites. Please visit www.asic.gov.au for further information on this guideline. The HotWhopper website is operated by Report Card Fail Pty Ltd (ACN 000 000 000).

6. MEMBER CONDUCT

You understand that all information, data, text, photographs, graphics, or other materials ("Content"), whether publicly posted or privately transmitted, are the sole responsibility of the person from which such Content originated. This means that you, and not HotWhopper, are entirely responsible for all Content that you upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available via the Service. (That's our out-clause we try on. We're looking at ways to get out from under the draconian laws in Australia and maybe move to the USA where Ron Paul lives.) HotWhopper does not control the Content posted via the Service and, as such, does not guarantee the accuracy, integrity or quality of such Content. (You betcha!) You understand that by using the Service, you may be exposed to Content that is offensive, indecent or objectionable and if you are a normal man or woman, that's pretty well guaranteed. Under no circumstances will HotWhopper be liable in any way for any Content, including, but not limited to, for any errors or omissions in any Content, or for any loss or damage of any kind incurred as a result of the use of any Content posted, emailed, transmitted or otherwise made available via the Service. (That's another out-clause we try on.)

You agree to not use the Service to:

1. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, tortious, defamatory (unless its about a climate scientist, the subject of a paranoid conspiracy theory such as the Pope or Prince Philip, a person of Jewish origin or a person of an Islamic religion), vulgar, obscene, libelous, invasive of another's privacy, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable (wink wink) unless you are of US-style Libertarian persuasion or other acceptable extreme right wing ideology. You may post sexist comments and upload material, provided that it does not offend the healthy male chauvinist posters here, particularly it must not offend rednecks, paranoid conspiracy theorists or extreme right wingers, for whom this site has been created; we generally allow posts critical of people of other than anglo-saxon (maybe celtic at a pinch) persuasion and those of other than christian beliefs (even including Roman Catholics when we're feeling generous), so feel free to test the limits in this regard (scroll to the bottom of this page to see examples of what is allowable).
   
2. harm minors in any way (be careful about how you post about your predelictions);
   impersonate any person or entity, including, but not limited to, a HotWhopper official, forum leader, guide or host, or falsely state or otherwise misrepresent your affiliation with a person or entity; Exceptions include if you cut and paste without attribution material from a right wing website or chain letter (particularly one of those Juliar Gillard / Barack Hussein Obama / Illegal Immigrant chain letters), a conspiracy theory, or a website proving AGW is a hoax.
   
3. forge headers or otherwise manipulate identifiers in order to disguise the origin of any Content transmitted through the Service (with exceptions as in c above);
   
4. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that you do not have a right to make available under any law or under contractual or fiduciary relationships (such as inside information, proprietary and confidential information learned or disclosed as part of employment relationships or under nondisclosure agreements); Exceptions are as in c above.
   
5. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any Content that infringes any patent, trademark, trade secret, copyright or other proprietary rights ("Rights") of any party;
   upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any unsolicited or unauthorized advertising, promotional materials, "junk mail," "spam," "chain letters" (except as in c above), "pyramid schemes," or any other form of solicitation, except in those areas (such as shopping rooms) that are designated for such purpose;
   
6. upload, post, email, transmit or otherwise make available any material that contains software viruses or any other computer code, files or programs designed to interrupt, destroy or limit the functionality of any computer software or hardware or telecommunications equipment;
   
7. disrupt the normal flow of dialogue, cause a screen to "scroll" faster than other users of the Service are able to type, or otherwise act in a manner that negatively affects other users' ability to engage in real time exchanges except for the purpose of derailing a discussion involving bleeding heart liberals or feminazis, about climate science or science generally or other unwelcome discussions (you know what we mean);
   
8. interfere with or disrupt the Service or servers or networks connected to the Service, or disobey any requirements, procedures, policies or regulations of networks connected to the Service; except for material as outlined in c and elsewhere in this policy;
   
9. intentionally or unintentionally violate any applicable local, state, national or international law, including, but not limited to, regulations promulgated by the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, ASIC, any rules of any national or other securities exchange, including, without limitation, the Australian Stock Exchange, the New York Stock Exchange, the American Stock Exchange or the NASDAQ, and any regulations having the force of law; except for material as outlined in c and elsewhere in this policy;
   
10. harass another member (stalking is permitted) unless you believe they are a bleeding heart liberal, a woman, accept climate science, don't support Ron Paul, suspect paranoid conspiracy theories might not actually be based on evidence or believe that all people (even people of different ethnic origins, religious beliefs, political leanings even slightly to the left of Tony Abbott, sexual orientation and women) should be treated equally;
    
11. collect or store personal data about other users.

You acknowledge that HotWhopper may or may not pre-screen Content, but that HotWhopper and its designees shall have the right (but not the obligation) in their sole discretion to pre-screen, refuse, or move any Content that is available via the Service. If you don't like what someone says, just send us a TOU (see 26. Violations below). Without limiting the foregoing, HotWhopper and its designees shall have the right to remove any Content that violates the TOU or is otherwise objectionable. In particular, if you give the slightest indication that you might be a bleeding heart liberal, a woman, accept climate science, don't support Ron Paul, suspect paranoid conspiracy theories might not actually be based on evidence or believe that all people (even people of different ethnic origins, religious beliefs, political leanings even slightly to the left of Tony Abbott, sexual orientation and women) should be treated equally then your posts on any topic may be deleted and you may be suspended for a period not less than 30 days. If you persist in being so outrageously outspoken, you will be permanently suspended and banned from posting forever. You agree that you must evaluate, and bear all risks associated with, the use of any Content, including any reliance on the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of such Content. Exceptions include: science, particularly climate science; any and all evidence-based medicine, particularly vaccinations; conspiracies such as UN Agenda21, 911, any conspiracy that we know involves Jewish people, chemtrails, HAARP, the Pope, Prince Philip, the Queen, Al Gore, Barack Hussein Obama, Juliar Gillard or others as we, the moderators and management of HotWhopper determine to be acceptable. In this regard, you acknowledge that you may not rely on any Content created by HotWhopper or submitted to HotWhopper, including without limitation information in HotWhopper Message Boards, and in all other parts of the Service.

You acknowledge, consent and agree that HotWhopper may access, preserve, and disclose your account information and Content if required to do so by law or in a good faith belief that such access preservation or disclosure is reasonably necessary to: (a) comply with legal process; (b) enforce the TOU; (c) respond to claims that any Content violates the rights of third-parties; (d) respond to your requests for customer service; or (e) protect the rights, property, or personal safety of HotWhopper, its users and the public.

You understand that the technical processing and transmission of the Service, including your Content, may involve (a) transmissions over various networks; and (b) changes to conform and adapt to technical requirements of connecting networks or devices.

You understand that the Service and software embodied within the Service may include security components that permit digital materials to be protected, and use of these materials is subject to usage rules set by HotWhopper and/or content providers who provide content to the Service. You may not attempt to override or circumvent any of the usage rules embedded into the Service. Any unauthorized reproduction, publication, further distribution or public exhibition of the materials provided on the Service, in whole or in part, is strictly prohibited.

26. VIOLATIONS

Please report any violations of the TOU to HotWhopper Support via the support feature available on the HotWhopper website, particularly if you suspect the poster is an unwelcome subscriber such as a bleeding heart liberal or feminazi.

If you do report any violation be aware that if we regard you, at our own discretion, to be a bleeding heart liberal, a woman, accepting of evidence-based science particularly climate science, don't support Ron Paul, suspect paranoid conspiracy theories might not actually be based on evidence or believe that all people (even people of different ethnic origins, religious beliefs, political leanings even slightly to the left of Tony Abbott, sexual orientation and women) should be treated equally then we may, at our discretion:

• Ignore your TOU violation report (we have automatic filters that send TOUs from posters we don't like directly to the trash bin)
  
• Delete any of your own posts at our discretion
  
• Suspend you for a period from at least 7 days to permanently.
  
• If you are a woman and report a post that you think is offensive to women, we will suspend you for a period of not less than 30 days (first offence) and permanently (second offence) because you are nothing but a female sexist sow and a feminazi.

We will make an exception if you prove to us that you:

• are a Ron Paul supporter
  
• know that AGW is a hoax
  
• agree that the sole purpose of a female is to care for her man and breed children
  
• believe without question that 911 was a CIA plot, HAARP is being used to spy on the world and manipulate the weather, chemtrails are being used to keep the population compliant, the One World Government exists and is run by jewish bankers, the Pope and Prince Phillip are children smugglers, fluoridation is used to control the population
  
• agree that greenies are communist wankers wanting to send us all back to the stone age
  
• agree that only men should be in positions of authority, women don't have the attributes essential for politics, business or government.
  

If you are of the correct political persuasion, particularly if are a man or otherwise have shown that you embrace the ideology of HotWhopper management and moderation team, we urge you to report any post, regardless of whether it violates a TOU or not and we assure you that we will act promptly to delete the post that you wish to have removed and, if you request it, to suspend the poster for a period of at least four (4) days or permanently.

This is in a thread in which real men discuss the appalling treatment dished out by Indigenous loafers thinking they have the right to freedom of expression (as if!). One moderator mistakenly removed the post and even went so far as giving a short suspension, but when we moderators came together as a group, we were easily able to convince the misguided mod that it was a perfectly acceptable form of 'free speech':

At least two bleeding heart liberals wanted us to delete this post, but we recognised them immediately and ignored them:

HotWhopper Management Team

PS Because we 'just know' that some readers have limited cognitive ability, we explicitly state that this page is satire. However, the examples of posts are the real thing.

 

MobyT
December 2012.